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I think this is a default ask for a lot of people, but I don’t actually think it’s a great one. Acceptable, sure, I guess. But it could be better. Context on me, I’m 31, trying to date seriously, seldom drink (just don’t enjoy it), and am not looking for hookups or anything of the sort.

I find a lot of people, especially men, ask me to “go get a drink”, which I find to be tied to hookup culture more often than not. It’s lower stakes, lower pressure, and a lower time commitment (if you hate the person, bounce after a drink, sure), which aren’t inherently bad, but for a long time, have been the precursor to hookups. It feels like more of a vibe check (“if I go home with this person, I don’t think they’ll kill me, so we’re good”) than an actual serious date.

There are SO many options that aren’t drinks that I think are worth asking about instead. Activities (pottery painting, a picnic, an arcade, going to a book store, a walk, getting ice cream, etc.), going to a cafe, getting a pastry from a bakery, going to a museum. Plus, it’s easy to learn more about someone’s interests and general vibe that way. Sure, going out for drinks is easy to propose, but it’s also not a super considerate ask.

Me being me with high standards, I also think someone who wouldn’t want to commit to spending an hour or an hour and a half with me for something like a meal or an activity isn’t the person for me. I’ve talked about this with quite a few people and some disagree with me, so I’m interested to see what this sub thinks.

Edit: to be clear, since some of you have assumed how I respond to this type of date ask. I politely say I don’t really drink and suggest going for a walk, a cafe, or if we’ve been chatting a little longer/know more about each other, I may suggest an activity based on that. Sometimes people don’t want to do anything but drinks, sometimes we do a not drink thing!

Also, I want to add that I don’t think drink dates are always tied to hookup culture and that there’s absolutely nothing pure about me lmao. I don’t think some of you have done the hookup song and dance enough to understand how this is such a strong parallel with that!